If You Love Ed, Let Ed Go
by DigiXBot
Summary: Tired of the Kankers butting into their lives, the Eds decide to make it so that Kankers no longer have feelings for them. However, their actions lead to great chaos to the entire cul-de-sac


A corrosive smell filled the garage as Edd poured a test tube of green formula into a beaker filled with a blue mixture, resulting in a yellow bubbling mix.

"Is it done yet, Double D." Eddy groaned with displacement. He looked back at Ed, who was playing with the metal chain tying him to the wall.

"Almost, Eddy." Edd picked up a pipet of a black substance and carefully moved it over the beaker. He began to slowly press on it, causing a small drop to form at the end-

"Hurry up, already!" Eddy shouted, causing Edd to jump and let go of the pipet. He quickly caught it from the air, then sighed in relief as he saw no fluid had escaped it.

"This is a delicate process." He hissed at his friend, who only shrugged, then continued to carefully press the pipet until a drop no bigger than a pin's head came out and fell into the beaker. To Edd's and Eddy's horror, the beaker started to shake violently until stopping, and the still mixture inside turning into a shade of pink.

"Success!" Edd cheered as he grabbed the beaker. "The formula is complete!"

"Nice work, sock head!" Eddy complimented.

A loud crack was heard as Ed ripped the end of the chain from the wall and raised it up. "Hip, hip, huzzah!"

Edd was silent for a few seconds before speaking. "Thanks to my Love-No-More, we can finally have our schemes in peace."

"A good episode today!" Ed said with joy.

"It's about time." Eddy said. "After yesterday, there's nothing I want more than a Kanker free life!"

"Our 'Dunk the Ed' scam wasn't the best idea in the first place Eddy." Edd argued.

"So what, if those psychos didn't come and scared away the customers and dunked all three of us, we could have been slurping Jawbreakers to the morning."

"I've been kissed in places no boy should be kissed." Ed shivered. "My armpits will never taste like gravy again."

"That's where this formula comes in." Edd stated. "When they consume this, the Kankers will lose their attraction to us and treat us like any other kid in the Cul-De-Sac."

"This better not fail like that 'Reverse Sociology' thing, Double D." Eddy said.

"It's 'Reverse Psychology.' Ad don't worry, Eddy. Thanks to my careful research in how humans react physically to the emotions of love, I am quite sure this formula will work."

"Well, what are we waiting for," Eddy said gleefully, rubbing his hands together in excitement. "Let's give those Kankers a taste of our medicine."

"Medicine is bad for you, Eddy." Ed added randomly, earning strange looks from his friends. "Taste like old soap."

* * *

Much later at the Trailer Park, a whirlwind of violence occurred as the three Kanker sisters were locked in an epic brawl.

"Give me that, May!" Marie shouted as she ripped the blue eyeshadow bottle from her blonde sister. "I need that so Double Hunk can really notice me."

"As if," A sucker punch at the face forced Marie to let go of the bottle, letting Lee catch it instead. "Blue looks better on me than it does on you!"

"You don't even show your eyes, Lee!" May protested as she grabbed onto the bottle, leaving the oldest and youngest in a tug of war.

"Why I oughta-"

"Here we are!" The three stopped fighting at the sound of an unexpected yet familiar voice. "Just three Ed's walking around with a picnic basket."

"It's my boyfriend!" May cheered.

"When one's around, the others are too!" Lee said with a smirk. "Come on girls!" The three raced off to the source of the voice.

"Just three Ed's, here in danger." Ed shouted as he held onto a picnic basket.

"Don't be too obvious, Ed." Edd reprimanded, nervously holding onto a picnic basket.

"Chill out, Double D." Eddy said camely. "If that stuff you made works, we're home free."

"Well, look at here." The three frozen in place. Turning around, they saw the three Kanker girls with menacing grins.

"Kankers!" Ed screamed out. He started to run, but Eddy grabbed him by the shoulder, causing a ditch to be dug by his frantic legs.

"Look at that," Lee said. "Three Ed's, no hood, but a picnic basket."

"Sounds like a triple date." Marie said.

"I hope you made enough for all of us." May laughed.

"Oh please!" Edd begged dramatically. "Let us leave freely! I only wanted to bring this basket to mother and father in one piece!"

"Lay off the performance, Hamlet." Eddy whispered to him.

"First time to disappoint, love boat." Marie cooed as she snagged the basket from them. Opening it, they saw three ham-and-swiss sandwiches

"Aw, ya shouldn't have." May said.

"Bon Appetit girls!" Lee said as the three grabbed a sandwich each. She turned to the Ed's and said. "And you boys will be our dessert." She and her sisters took a bite and began eater ravenously.

As the Ed's watch the Kankers scarf down the sandwich, Eddy whispered into Double D's ears. "So how long till that formula of yours works."

"Well, my hypothesis states that it should work immediately, but..."

"Do you know or not?"

"Um, I'm not completely positive."

"Oh, that's so great." They stiffened as they heard the girls smack their lips, revealing that the three were finished.

"Now that we're done with our appetizers." May said as the girls look at the Ed's in hunger. "Time for the main course." They giggled as they stepped closer to their prey, who backed away nervously.

"I'm too young for kissing!" Ed cried, crouching down into his ditch.

"Don't fail me, science!" Edd begged.

But just as the Kankers were about to pounce, they suddenly stopped.

"Huh, that's it?" Eddy asked in confusion.

"Maybe they're out of batteries?" Ed asked.

"Girls don't have batteries, lumpy."

"Oh, dear." Edd swallowed as he walked over to the still Marie, then waved his hand in front of her. "Don't tell me that I-"

He didn't finish as he felt a strong slap that sent him crashing into a trailer, which tilted slightly from the force before landing back to normal.

"Get away from me, you nerd!" Marie shouted at him.

"Did she just… rejected him…" Eddy gapped.

"Tsundere?" Ed said, causing Eddy to give him a strange look.

"Ugh, did we actually like these three losers." Lee snarked as she pointed to Eddy, causing his jaw to drop further.

"I know!" May added, holding onto her nose. "They smell so bad, they make us look clean!"

"Thank you very much." Ed said cheerfully.

"It's not even worth beating them up!" Marie added.

"Come on, girls." Lee said. "Let's find some other chump to let off some steam." The Kankers made their way out of the Trailer Park.

"It worked." Eddy gasped. "It worked. It worked!" Eddy jumped into the air in joy.

"Ed is in his happy place, Eddy!" Ed cheered. "Double D's magic potion worked!"

"Correction, the formula developed through science worked!" Edd said, still embedded into the trailer. "The Love-No-More formula I created redirected the oxytocin, cancelling the physical feelings the Kankers had for us and thus removing their feelings for us. Gentlemen, we may now live our Kanker free lives!"

"Now we're talking!" Eddy shouted. "Let's start coming up with a scam that won't stop till the cows come home!"

"But Rolf would be waiting a long time for his cows, Eddy." Ed said.

"Exactly!"

"Um, guys?" Edd called up, struggling to budge free from the dent in the trailer wall. "A little help, please."

Eddy groaned. "Alright." He and Ed walked over and began to pull their friend free.

* * *

Out in the junkyard, trash bits were flung in the air as Kevin rode his bike over the rubbish-filled landscape. Seeing a large pile in front of him, he smirked as he changed gears, then peddled even faster as he rode up the pile, then jump into the air and land the ground with minimal difficulty.

Pulling on the brakes, he came to a sharp stop and smirked. "Choice!"

"Not bad." The hair on Kevin's neck rose up at the sound of the voice. He turned around and saw Lee Kanker leaning against a trash pound.

"Crud!" Kevin cursed as he adjusted his bike towards the exit. "What'd ya want, Kanker? Don't you have a dork to chase?"

"What, you mean Eddy?" Lee scoffed. "I'm over that no-neck chump."

"Really." Kevin blinked, then smirked. "Took ya, long enough. Never knew why you Kankers were so into those dorks."

"I know. Why go for a kid when I can get myself a real man."

"Yeah- wait, what?" Kevin started to sweat as Lee got into his face.

"You like to live dangerous, right Kevin?" Lee asked, sitting on his handle bars. "Why not try this wild ride?"

"Yaahhh!" In a panic, Kevin pushed his bike to its limit and drove straight ahead.

"Going for a ride then, big boy?" Lee said, before Kevin tightened on his brakes, causing Lee and the handlebars to break off and crash into a large pile a few meters away.

Kevin frantically got off his bike and searched the area before picking up a stray coat hanger, then twisting it into a makeshift handle and inserting it into his bike, then rode off as fast as he can

"What the heck is happening?!" He shouted as he rode to the cul-de-sac.

* * *

As this occurred, Nazz was at her home reading a magazine on the couch when she heard the door being knocked. "I'm coming." She said as she got off and headed to the door. But when she opened it, she was surprised to Marie.

"Um, hi Marie." The blonde said awkwardly.

"Why, hello there, Nazz." Marie replied in a sweet tone, disturbing Nazz further.

"What brings you here?" Nazz asked cautiously.

"I was just thinking," The bluenette said as she leaned against the frame of the door. "You're quite the attractive gal, Nazz."

"Like, thanks?"

"All the boys already see it. And I mean all the boys. Of course," Marie gave a wide smile to the nervous blonde. "It's not just the boys."

Nazz's face went red at the implication. "Um, that's nice to hear."

"So how about you and I have a girl's night. Just the two of us…"

Nazz quickly got inside and slammed the door closed. When Marie attempted to open it, she saw that it was locked.

"Huh, playing hard to get." Marie just smiled as she broke down the door with a single kick.

"Where are you, Nazzy-Wazzy?" She said as she looked through the house.

Outside in the backyard, Nazz heard furniture being flipped over as Marie searched for you. "Like, why is this happening?" She quickly climbed the fence and made her escape.

* * *

"What color works best with apples, Jimmy?" Sarah asked as the two were standing next to two eisles painting a tree in the neighborhood.

"Hmm," Jimmy tapped the handle of the brush against his chin. "I say blue reflects their innocents the best."

"Blue it is." Sarah said as she dipped her brush in the blue paint bucket.

Jimmy used the brush to make small dots on the lollipop tree on his canvas. Wanting a new look, he moved his head past the aisle when-

"AHHH!"

"Hiya, Jimmy!" May said cheerfully as the boy fell onto his back.

"Jimmy!" Sarah rushed to help her friend, only to freeze when she saw May roughly pull him up.

"Is that your tree?" May asked as she looked at his canvas. "You're such an artist, my little sheepy."

"Sheepy?" Jimmy asked, sweat racing down his forehead. "D-do you mean me?"

"Think you can paint me one day." May fluttered her eyes at him, scaring him more.

"Leave him alone, freak!" Sarah screeched as she came over to slug her, but May then grabbed her and threw her into the tree the two were painting earlier.

"Buzz off, shortie! Jimmy doesn't need you. He needs a real girl!"

"Why is this happening?" Jimmy said as he trembled.

May turned back to him and smiled. "Now where were we-"

Before she could finish, she was hit by the same tree and send flying out of the cul-de-sac.

"Jimmy isn't yours, psycho!" Sarah roared as she threw away the uprooted tree. "Come on, Jimmy," she said as she grabbed his hand. "Let's get out of here!"

"Thank you, Sarah!" Jimmy replied as the two ran off.

* * *

"Mrrrr." Eddy's eyebrows crinkled in annoyance as music from his record player. "Anything?"

"Afraid not." Edd replied next to him on the bed.

"Nothing as usual, Eddy!" Ed added in a positive tone from Eddy's right.

"Come on!" Eddy groaned as he collapsed onto his bed. "There has to be one idea we didn't try. How about Ed's Sea World?"

"Flooded the entire neighborhood." Edd replied.

"Chimp World?"

"We lost Ed's mask and glove."

"Eternal Summer."

"That one was a disaster before it was conceived."

"Urg!" Suddenly heavy banging was heard on the door, grabbing the Ed's attention, before it was kicked open, revealing Sarah and Jimmy.

"Hey!" Eddy shouted. "Don't go breaking my door!"

"Zip it, Eddy!" Sarah yelled as the two ran it. Sarah then slammed the door shut, then grabbed Eddy's bed and flipped it, sending it's passengers flying onto the floor.

"Hey!" Eddy yelled. But Sarah ignored him as she placed the bed in front of the door while Jimmy closed the blinds.

"They won't find us now." Sarah sighed as she turned off the record player.

"Listen you-" Eddy began before Edd blocked his mouth.

"I think what Eddy is trying is ask is why you two are attempting to hide in here." Edd said diplomatically before Eddy slapped the hand away.

"We're trying to hide from the Kankers." Sarah hissed.

"Kankers?" Eddy asked. "What'd you do to piss them off?"

"It's worse than that!" Jimmy cried out. "Somehow May Kanker now likes me!"

"... I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Edd asked as he and the other Ed's looked at the two in confusion. "I thought I heard you say that one of the Kanker was after you romantically."

"She is!" Jimmy cried. "She complimented my painting, gave me a pet name and asked me to paint her!"

"Wow," Eddy grinned. "Never knew you were a lady killer."

"This isn't funny, Eddy!" Sarah snarked at him. "That crazy girl is after my friend and that's why we're hiding here! She's in love with Jimmy as she was about my dumb brother."

"Kankers are scary." Ed agreed, shivering.

"So why here?" Eddy asked.

"Because it's the last place they'll look." Sarah explained in a tone implying that the boy was an idiot.

"Why I oughta-"

' _Hmm,'_ Edd thought, his eyebrows cressing in worry. ' _Could May's new affection towards Jimmy be related to Love-No-More?'_

Before he could think about it further, the door was knocked frantically.

"I'll get it!" Ed shouted as he ran to the door. But before he could get to the bed in the way he was tackled to the floor by Sarah.

"Don't open it!" She hissed. "It might be May!" Terrified of the outcome, Ed nodded frantically in agreement.

"Open up, Dork!" Everyone froze as they heard Kevin shout. "I know you're in there!"

"What dastardly thing did you do, Eddy?" Jimmy asked.

"What makes you think it was my fault?"

"Could you guys like let us in?" They heard Nazz asked more gently.

"Nazz and Kevin want you guys?" Sarah asked in confusion

"Just let us hide here from the Kankers!" Kevin yelled.

"Kankers?" Edd asked as he headed to the front and removed the blinds, revealing Kevin and Nazz banging on the door.

Opening the window, he called out "Come here, quick" and the two came in before he closed the window and blinds.

"Jeez, do I have to start charging admission now?" Eddy grumbled.

"Shut it dork." Kevin snarked at him. "It's your fault anyway!"

"MY FAULT?!"

"Cause Lee Kanker is now chasing me instead of me!"

"What are you even talking about?!"

"The Kankers are going after us now," Nazz explained. "I had Marie Kanker at my doorsteps, and Lee was chasing Kevin at the dump."

"I never knew that Marie was bisexual." Edd mused, before his eyes bulged. _Oh no, my concoction must be responsible._

"That's crazy, cause that crazy blonde May was wrapping her arms around Jimmy." Sarah said.

"It's like a cruel karma for when I got revenge on the Ed's…" Jimmy muttered under his breath.

"You say something, Jimmy?" Sarah asked in confusion.

"I-I mean that it is horrifying that the Kankers are after us now!"

As the four discussed the change in the three sisters, Edd grabbed Eddy's shoulder and pulled him away. "Eddy," he whispered. "I believe that what Jimmy, Kevin, and Nazz are going through is because of Love-No-More."

"What are you talking about, Double D?" Eddy asked in skepticism.

"A void was left when we removed their feelings for us. And now three victims were selected by them to fill that void."

"So what now?" Eddy asked. "We can't just tell them. They'll blame us for this"

"But we _are_ responsible, Eddy."

"They don't know that."

"I swear," they heard Kevin growl as he cracked his knuckles. "When I find out who's responsible for this…"

"I don't think Double D's magic potion did it." Ed said at random, causing the other Ed's to gape at him.

"Yeah." Kevin blinked as he and the others turned to Ed. "What'd you say?"

"Nothing?" Ed replied quickly, with Edd and Eddy sweating nervously.

"Ed." Sarah said menacingly. "What did you mean by a magic potion?"

"Double D's magic potion made the Kankers hate us!" Ed blurted in panic.

"Ed!" Eddy screamed.

"You guys made the Kankers go after us?!" Nazz asked the two in shock.

"No, not intentionally. My Love-No-More was designed to remove the Kanker's feelings for us." Edd explained sheepishly. "The fact they are now after you three was an unforeseen side effect."

"How could you be so crude?" Jimmy accused. "Love isn't something you can just erase using science!"

"Actually, Fluffy, if they went through what we did, I don't blame the,." Kevin said, then blinked. "Jeez, never thought I would say that."

"The shoe doesn't fit on either feet, huh." Eddy said with a smirk.

"Technically, Eddy, it is that the shoe doesn't fit on the other foot." Edd said.

"My shoes fit well on both sides, Double D." Ed added.

"Like, it doesn't matter why you guys did it." Nazz interrupted. "Can you guys do the same for us?"

"Why cert-" Edd's answer was interrupted when Eddy place his hand on his mouth.

"We could…" Eddy began as a smirk grew on his face. "But all the stuff to make it cost dough. So we'll be needing a _small_ investment."

"You're expecting us to pay you to fix your screw up!" Kevin accused in anger.

"Hey, you want to argue with the only guys that can help you? Besides, you guys never helped us with the Kankers."

"He has a point there." Nazz admitted sheepishly.

"Errrr, Ed!" Sarah glared at her brother. "Tell Eddy to give us that potion!"

"It's a formula, actually." Edd corrected.

Before Ed could nervously reply to his sister, the door started to shake loudly, before a powerful kick push it open and sent the bed flying to the back of the room.

Eddy shouted "Why is my room a new hide-" but he stopped when he saw who was on the other side.

"There you are, Kevin." Lee said as she and her sisters entered the room. "Playing hard to get, huh?"

"Kankers!" The Ed's screamed, causing the four kids to look at them strangely.

"They're not after you, remember?" Jimmy said, shivering when he saw May.

"Sorry, force of habit." Eddy admitted.

"Hi, Jimmy!" May said, waving at the boy. "Don't tell me you want to hang with the runt rather than me!" Sarah would have protested, but she was too terrified to do so.

"Hey, Nazz." Marie said seductively, making the blonde sweat out of fear. "That was rude leaving me at the door."

"I think we need some privacy." Lee suggested. A scuffle occured before Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Sarah were thrown to the outside screaming.

"Save me!" Jimmy begged as he tried to crawl out of the house, only for May to pull him back in and close the door.

"Hey!" Eddy yelled as he charged to the door and banged furiously on it. "Get out of my room!"

"Now where were we…" He heard Marie said as she and the other Kankers giggled. Eddy and the others headed to the window to see the sisters approaching their targets.

"Get away from us!" Kevin yelled.

"Ahhh!" Nazz screamed.

The four outside could only look at horror at the sight.

"It's almost as terrifying as going through it." Edd shivered.

"My room!" Eddy shouted in terror. "I just had it cleaned too!"

"Jimmy, no!" Sarah cried out, only for Ed to hold her close and cover her eyes.

"Don't look baby sister!" Ed shouted as he averted his eyes. "It's too terrifying.

Eventually the horror was finished, and the Kankers came out of the door.

"Thanks for letting us use your place, Eddy." Lee said as she and the others heading out to the cul-de-sac. "We might need it later for our sweethearts." The Kankers laughed as they were on their way home.

"My room…" Eddy wheezed as he and the others went back inside. "Everything was overturned and scattered. Drawers were pushed onto the floor. Shards of broken records decorated the floor. Sheets from the overturned bed were shredded. Eddy fell to his knees as a high-pitch whimper escape him. "Why do those Kankers keep ruining everything…"

And laying on the ground were Kevin, Nazz, and Jimmy, all covered in red lipstick kiss marks.

"Got kiss by a girl.. Didn't like it…" Nazz gasped out. "Taste of her boysenberry chapstick…"

"Jimmy!" Sarah ran over to her friend and helped him up. "Speak to me!"

"Sarah…" Jimmy let out weakly. "I was kissed in places no one should be kissed."

"Was it the armpits?" Ed asked.

"Armpit."

"What have I done?" Edd let out in horror at the scene. He felt a thug at his pants and looked down.

"Dork…" Kevin groaned to him in pain. "You have to… fix this…" He then fainted from the strain of the experience.

:"I'll get to work." Edd sighed. "I just hope it doesn't get worse."


End file.
